As a writer, from time to time, I’ll need to seek out the assistance of other people. I might be asking a friend to be an ARC (Advanced Reader Copy) reader, or asking an author friend for an endorsement. Even in my day-to-day life, I have moments where I need to ask for help. Maybe I need someone more mechanically inclined to help me fix my leaf blower, or I need my mom to watch the kids for the afternoon.
I don’t like asking for help. It feels awkward. I don’t want to be an imposition on the other person’s life. I’m usually asking for the most precious thing the other person has – their time.
A few years ago, a good friend taught me a little phrase that I’ve found to be helpful in these situations, both when I’m asking, but also when I’m the one being asked for help. You add this little phrase to the end the of request:
…and no is a perfectly acceptable answer
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It tells them there will be no negative side effects if they say no. The relationship will be unaffected. I’ve found the phrase lowers the pressure each person feels. It communicates that you understand what you are asking.
You might be concerned that saying this will make it easier for the other person to turn you down. That’s certainly a possibility. For me, the added risk is worth it. A ‘yes’, after being told I’m okay with a ‘no’ feels even better.
Give it a try. I’d love to hear how this changes how you feel when you ask for something and what kind of responses you get.